jan milliman

Farewell, Concord Traveler.

There is a moment in the cult film “El Topo” where a character is informed that he must travel in a “spiralwise” manner to complete a quest. And so I’ve found it to be with moving through life in general.

My first husband died suddenly, six years ago. Prior to that, I tended to think about life as forward motion. I was moving toward achievements, moving away from past mistakes, growing older, ticking projects off my list.

But since his death, I see more clearly that life does travel in a spiral, out from the major experiences. There is achievement and growth, but it circles back around to nearly the same territory with freakish predictability.

This year, just days before the anniversary of my first husband’s death, I was preparing to dismantle our last home. A camper, it was never meant to last forever, but getting rid of it still had its sorrowful moments.

That camper was the site of our last great adventure together, and now it’s in pieces at a junkyard. But that’s not the end of the story. Getting rid of the camper makes a place for something new, even if it’s just fresh grass where I can pull up a chair next to The Kiddo and The Mister to enjoy the reclaimed view.