jan milliman

Something to ponder from a panhandler.

I always feel awkward when I’m stopped at a streetlight and there’s someone bumming change. A friend of mine used to tote around sodas and snacks to have something handy to offer when approached, but I usually try not to make eye contact and will the light to change before I have to interact.

When I pass folks on the street looking for change, it somehow seems easier to respond. If they seem especially creepy, I’ll alter my path to avoid. If I detect a scam, I’ll say “Sorry, can’t help you,” and keep walking. And if they seem honest, like the fellow who told me he was going to buy a pint to help get through a cold night, and I have some change handy, I’ll donate to the cause.

But somehow, being in the car, I don’t want my little bubble invaded. I’ve got stuff to do, places to go!

So, the other day, The Mister and I were headed out to see Queens of the Stone Age in Toronto. We were trying to find our way to the venue and weren’t entirely sure we were interpreting the directions properly. We wound up stopped at a light where a shaggy dude with a change cup was slouching about.

I went into don’t-make-eye-contact mode, and it seemed like we were going to get out without incident. But suddenly the dude lurched toward the window and The Mister opened up to see what he wanted. Dang!

“Whatareshabbos?” he asked.

“Gah! Crazy!” I thought.

“What?” The Mister responded.

“Whatareshabbos?” he asked.

“What?!” The Mister responded.

“Turn, light, turn!” I silently prayed.

“Your license plate. It says ‘I don’t drive on Shabbos.’”

Oh! A perfectly reasonable inquiry after all. The Mister, a dedicated “The Big Lebowski” fan, and award-winning Walter Sobchak impersonator, has a license plate holder inscribed with the aforementioned movie quote.

The Mister explained that Shabbos is the Jewish day of rest. And then he asked the inquisitive fellow for directions. “Waste of time!” I thought.

But the dude completely cleared up his slurry speech and gave us perfect directions to the venue, only pausing to ask for spare change once he’d gotten things pretty well spelled out for us. So we toddled off to our destination, ready to rock and happier for having rolled that window down.